Odler Robert Jeanlouie, MD
"To engage in lovemaking, a woman needs a valid reason, a man only needs a place." This difference, of course, creates misunderstanding, aggravation, and frustration, but some details must be looked at.
"A woman who does not want to sleep with you is sleeping with someone else" is an accepted saying. Or perhaps, she simply does not like you, because you look like Quasimodo. This sounds straightforward, but it is not necessarily true. Indeed, 43% of all women suffer from sexual dysfunction, therefore cannot engage in sex or do not enjoy it. This is a surprising statistical factoid for a well-hidden ailment. We should compare this datum with the estimated 31% of American males who suffer from the so-much publicized erectile dysfunction (ED), now effectively treated with a PDE5 inhibitor, e.g. Viagra. This leaves aside women, belonging to the remaining 57%, who don't suffer from chronic strategic headache, persistent turn-off nausea, weekly menstrual invasion, daily pre-menstrual body snatching, or permanent "do not disturb me, I am asleep" syndrome. These latter complaints, deceptive, often serve as a legitimate cover-up for a series of serious medical problems named sexual inhibition, absence of arousal, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vaginismus, and persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD). They are disturbances of the regular steps of female sexual physiology: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Sexual inhibition is akin to psychological repression in an otherwise normal woman. These women have no desire; they are not interested in sex. Never. They are inhibited by the idea that sex is dirty or punishable, or just a male thing. Some turn out to be repressed homosexuals. The women with absence of arousal are interested in sex, but they "do not feel anything". No lubrication, no nipple sensation. They just lie there. This condition is often the consequence of stress, depression, suppressed anger, or drug use. They are excited but never reach the plateau of pleasure. Dyspareunia, for a woman, means painful intercourse. She wants sex, but oh-my-God, it hurts so much. The disorder may be caused by an anatomic problem (small vaginal entrance, thick hymen, pelvic tumor, dry mucosa...), by poor technique, or by psychological scars. Estrogen, lubricant and change in position may improve the problem. Vaginismus may or may not be an extreme manifestation of dyspareunia. The pubococcygeus muscles around the vagina, contract and prevent penetration. The cause of the condition is often unknown, but it may be due to reasons as diverse as infections and childbirth complications. Lubricant, plastic surgery and Botox can help. In some rare cases, when this contraction occurs during intercourse, the male member gets trapped inside the vagina, and the two partners end up stuck together in their love position. This is described as Penis Captivus. A trip to the emergency room of the two-headed, four-legged lovemaking entity, is at times required, since the use of an injectable muscle relaxant seems to be the sole solution to free the captive organ. Not every woman knows what an orgasm feels like. What a pity! The most common orgasm-related disorder is the lack of it, anorgasmia. Ten percent of women never reach climax. Even for the women who can, two times out of three they don't, and often they have to fake it. Yes, they got you, guys! Two times out of three! One condition may chatter your boyhood dream of the hypersexual woman: Persistent Genital Arousable Disorder (PGAD). It is a one in which a woman does not cease to experience orgasms, all spontaneous, up to more than 100 a day. She is anxious, unable to concentrate, and completely dysfunctional. Where do you guys fit in this scheme? Should nymphomania, female hypersexuality, be considered as female sexual disorder? That depends on who you ask. However, mania, bipolar disorder, and drug use may be associated with the behavior. A sex-less relationship is an alliance doomed to extinction. It does not have to be. When she says no, that may not have anything to do with you. This is not you, this is her. She may look desirable to you, but she is sick inside. She may not be playing hard to get; she may not be an artful, or a rizez. She may need your help. Remember 43% of women do need help. A combination of education, communication, exercise, weight loss, and masturbation has been the best therapy for these conditions. Also exist remedies, medications, and devices that may improve the outcome of these ailments and the harmony in your couple. First and foremost, be wary of religious recommendations; they are often not worth the price of the paper they are printed on; at times, they are the root of the problem. Talk to your doctor or visit a therapist near you. Life is short. A rewarding weekly mutual orgasm, the average for the American couple, is valuable. One climax, daily or even thrice daily, if you can, is even better. Paradise is at the end of your tunnel... (OdlerRobert Jeanlouie, Monday, November 19, 2012)